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The following are the thirty most commercially successful songs in the history of the Billboard Hot 100 chart, which was started in 1958, that center around the theme of heartbreak. The Hot 100 is the standard for measuring success in the United States music industry and ranks the 100 most popular songs every week by accounting for radio audience, digital and physical sales, and online streams. The list of songs is adapted from Heartbreak Hits: Top 30 Breakup Songs published by Billboard Staff and is listed in chronological order of release. Links to the song’s music video and lyrics can be found by clicking the word “here” in red. 

“Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” (1958) The Platters 

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 1/19/1959.

Summary: Written for the musical Roberta in 1933, “Smoke Gets In Your Eyes” is an adaptation by the rock-and-roll vocal group the Platters. In the song, the vocalist sings of being told that “All who love are blind, when your heart’s on fire, you must realize smoke gets in your eyes” and discovering the truth of that statement when his lover leaves him.

“Cathy’s Clown” (1960) The Everly Brothers 

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 5/23/1960.

Summary: “Cathy’s Clown” was written and performed by rock duo the Everly Brothers. The short song tells the story of seeing an ex-lover Cathy with a new man and dubbing him a clown: “I die each time I hear this sound. Here he comes, that’s Cathy’s clown.” 

“I’m Sorry” (1960) Brenda Lee

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 7/8/1960.

Summary: At only 15, the lover resonated with mass audiences with her apologetic tune about being a fool to her former lover: “Please accept my apology but love is blind and I was too blind to see.” 

“Big Girls Don’t Cry” (1962) The Four Seasons 

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 11/17/1962.

Summary: In this falsetto-dominated song by the doo-wop group, the singer says that he ended a relationship and expected to be met with rebuke, but the woman instead told him that “big girls don’t cry.” 

“I Heard It Through The Grapevine” (1968) Marvin Gaye

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 12/14/1968.

Summary: In this song, Marvin Gaye sings that he heard from an outside source that his lover is in love with another man, and expresses his fear of their relationship ending by singing “I know a man ain’t supposed to cry but these tears I can’t hold inside, losing you would end my life you see.”

“Maggie May” (1971) Rod Stewart 

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 10/2/1971.

Summary: In this rock song, Stewart sings to Maggie, who is an older woman that uses the singer for sexual pleasure, while the singer is in love with Maggie and wishes that he was not, knowing that he has to get on with his life. Stewart sings that “he couldn’t have tried any more,” while Maggie stole his heart and soul. At the end, Stewart concludes, “Maggie, I wished I’d never seen your face.”

“Alone Again (Naturally)” (1972) Gilbert O’Sullivan

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 7/29/1972.

Summary: As the title notes, this song is a sad expression of feeling “alone again.” In the beginning of the song, the singer says that he is going to throw himself off a tower “in an effort to make it clear to whoever what it’s like when you’re shattered” after being left at the altar by his bride. He recalls how alone he felt when each of his parents died. 

“You’re So Vain” (1972) Carly Simon

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 1/6/1973.

Summary: In this song, Carly Simon sings to a former lover that he is “so vain” that he probably thinks that she wrote this song about him. In telling the story of their romance, Simon sings that “you gave away the things you loved and one of them was me.” The sarcasm of the chorus is that she is obviously singing about him – she was left with unfulfilled dreams and now tracks his whereabouts – but characterizing him as self-obsessed makes him the bad guy. 

“I Will Survive” (1978) Gloria Gaynor

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 3/10/1979.

Summary: In this empowered anthem, Gloria Gaynor sings that when her lover left her, she was “petrified” that she could not live without him, but she eventually learned how to go on. After the breakup, she healed her emotional wounds: “I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high.”

“Total Eclipse of the Heart” (1983) Bonnie Tyler

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 10/1/1983.

Summary: In this song, Bonnie Tyler sings about how “every now and then” she gets “a little bit” lonely, terrified, nervous, restless, helpless, and angry, and that she needs her lover to make her feel better. She needs the love to survive. At the end, she concludes: “once upon a time I was falling in love, now I’m only falling apart.” 

“Every Breath You Take” (1983) The Police

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 7/9/1983.

Summary: In this song, Sting sings that he is watching every single thing that his ex-lover is doing. He confesses “Since you’ve gone I’ve been lost without a trace, I dream at night I can only see your face.” With such a desire to be with her, he commits to watching her from afar (or, to use the correct term, stalking her). 

“Careless Whisper” (1985) Wham! Feat. George Michael 

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 2/16/1985.

Summary: In this song, George Michael is singing about his guilt and sadness for cheating on his lover, which causes her to leave him. He sings of the life that they could have had together that is no longer possible and wishes that she would stay with him. At the end, he asks “Now that you’re gone, was what I did so wrong, so wrong that you had to leave me alone?”

“Nothing Compares 2 U” (1990) Sinead O’Connor

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 4/21/1990.

Summary: The song begins with the lines “It’s been seven hours and fifteen days since you took your love away,” which expresses the message of the song, which is that O’Connor’s lover has left her with a broken heart. She has the freedom to do whatever she pleases, but she only wants to be with her former lover since nothing else can meet his level of perfection. 

“It Must Have Been Love” (1990) Roxette 

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 6/16/1990.

Summary: The song does not say much more than “It must have been love but it’s over now.” The singer expresses that losing her lover made her realize how much their relationship meant to her. 

“Love Takes Time” (1990) Mariah Carey

Song found here. Lyrics found here. Chart history: Peaked at #1 on 11/10/1990.

Summary: Mariah Carey sings that she treated a lover poorly, so it is her fault that he left her. Now, she needs time to mend the wounds: “Love takes time to heal when you’re hurting so much.” She is alone in her pain and does not want to be. 

Of the 30 songs, 14 are performed by women, 12 by men, and 4 by both men and women, which represents an almost equal distribution between the two genders. Once again, however, it is important to consider who wrote the lyrics. Of my sources, the only song of 18 that a woman contributed to the writing of before Diane Warren’s writing of”Un-Break My Heart” in 1996 was Carly Simon’s 1971 hit “You’re So Vain.” Of the 68 songwriters that are credited (repeats included), only 12 of those credits are to females, which is only 18%. 8 of the 30 songs I looked at had a female writer, which is 27%. Historically, there is a clear disparity between whose songs record labels take seriously and who record labels commission to write songs. It is essential to keep in mind who is determining the emotional expressions in the lyrics, especially, in this case, when applying societal gender norms to those lyrics.

Male Stereotypes

Many argue that the toxic masculinity that exists in our patriarchal society teaches men that is not acceptable to express their emotions, specifically sadness. In a recent article published in the Atlantic titled “The Miseducation of the American Boy,” Peggy Orenstein writes “from the get-go, boys are relegated to an impoverished emotional landscape,” and while the definition of masculinity is changing, it is still being ingrained in the brains of boys that expressing pain (i.e. crying) is showing weakness. 

The source material argues that there are also forces pushing men towards expressing their sadness. The following songs are all sung by men. In “Cathy’s Clown,” the Everly Brothers sing, “When you see me shed a tear and you know that it’s sincere, don’t you think it’s kind of sad, that you’re treating me so bad?” In “Heard it Through the Grapevine,” Marvin Gaye sings “I know a man ain’t supposed to cry but these tears I can’t hold inside.” In “Every Breath You Take, Sting sings “I keep crying baby, baby, please.” In “End of the Road,” Boyz II Men sing, “When I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight. Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry.” In “Nobody Knows,” Tony Rich sings that “The pain is real even if nobody knows and I’m crying inside.” In “Burn,” Usher sings “I wanna break down and cry.”

Marvin Gaye’s verse even acknowledges that society tells men they should not cry. These confessional songs prove that men actually do cry and subverts the notion that that fact should be kept behind closed doors. In this case, music is actually bringing a common emotional experience to light that society has tried to hide.

Female Stereotypes

The female stereotype in our culture, though, is that women are overly emotional. They cry too much or they’re too hormonal or they’re irrational. While many of these songs do include women aching over lost love, there also many examples of women responding to a breakup with emotions other than sadness, which is not seen in any of our sources by male artists.

In The Four Seasons’ “Big Girl’s Don’t Cry,” they sing that they “thought that she would call my bluff but she said to my surprise ‘Big girls don’t cry,” which tells the story of a woman accepting a break up rather than crying, which surprises the man. In “I Will Survive,” Gloria Gaynor sings, “I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high.” In Gaynor’s song, she chooses to get over her sadness and become empowered. In “I Will Always Love You,” Whitney Houston sings that although she is leaving her lover, she wishes him “joy,” “happiness,” and “love.” In “Irreplaceable,” Beyoncé proudly tells the man she is breaking up with, “Baby, I won’t shed a tear for you.” In “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie, she tells her lover, “I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket but I’ve got to get a move on with my life. It’s time to be a big girl now and big girls don’t cry.” Fergie is making the best decision for herself and acknowledges that she will miss the person, but she refuses to be sad. Finally, in “Rolling in the Deep,” Adele tells her lover, “Think of me in the depths of your despair. Make a home down there, as mine sure won’t be shared.” Adele wishes sadness on her former lover, but she herself is in control.

All of these examples are breakup songs that tell of a woman reacting to the end of her relationship not with tears but with acceptance and confidence. The final three examples by Beyoncé, Fergie, and Adele are 21st century hits, which is a reflection of the higher number of feminist anthems that are making it into the mainstream nowadays (though Gloria Gaynor’s proves that they have been around for decades, but were not as numerous). The success of this music is a reflection of the growing popularity of feminist/egalitarian values and the gradual breaking down of stereotypes that has been happening in recent years. These songs assert that a woman is perfectly capable of keeping her emotions in check and she surely is not more “emotional” than any man.