Of the 30 songs, 14 are performed by women, 12 by men, and 4 by both men and women, which represents an almost equal distribution between the two genders. Once again, however, it is important to consider who wrote the lyrics. Of my sources, the only song of 18 that a woman contributed to the writing of before Diane Warren’s writing of”Un-Break My Heart” in 1996 was Carly Simon’s 1971 hit “You’re So Vain.” Of the 68 songwriters that are credited (repeats included), only 12 of those credits are to females, which is only 18%. 8 of the 30 songs I looked at had a female writer, which is 27%. Historically, there is a clear disparity between whose songs record labels take seriously and who record labels commission to write songs. It is essential to keep in mind who is determining the emotional expressions in the lyrics, especially, in this case, when applying societal gender norms to those lyrics.
Male Stereotypes
Many argue that the toxic masculinity that exists in our patriarchal society teaches men that is not acceptable to express their emotions, specifically sadness. In a recent article published in the Atlantic titled “The Miseducation of the American Boy,” Peggy Orenstein writes “from the get-go, boys are relegated to an impoverished emotional landscape,” and while the definition of masculinity is changing, it is still being ingrained in the brains of boys that expressing pain (i.e. crying) is showing weakness.
The source material argues that there are also forces pushing men towards expressing their sadness. The following songs are all sung by men. In “Cathy’s Clown,” the Everly Brothers sing, “When you see me shed a tear and you know that it’s sincere, don’t you think it’s kind of sad, that you’re treating me so bad?” In “Heard it Through the Grapevine,” Marvin Gaye sings “I know a man ain’t supposed to cry but these tears I can’t hold inside.” In “Every Breath You Take, Sting sings “I keep crying baby, baby, please.” In “End of the Road,” Boyz II Men sing, “When I can’t sleep at night without holding you tight. Girl, each time I try I just break down and cry.” In “Nobody Knows,” Tony Rich sings that “The pain is real even if nobody knows and I’m crying inside.” In “Burn,” Usher sings “I wanna break down and cry.”
Marvin Gaye’s verse even acknowledges that society tells men they should not cry. These confessional songs prove that men actually do cry and subverts the notion that that fact should be kept behind closed doors. In this case, music is actually bringing a common emotional experience to light that society has tried to hide.
Female Stereotypes
The female stereotype in our culture, though, is that women are overly emotional. They cry too much or they’re too hormonal or they’re irrational. While many of these songs do include women aching over lost love, there also many examples of women responding to a breakup with emotions other than sadness, which is not seen in any of our sources by male artists.
In The Four Seasons’ “Big Girl’s Don’t Cry,” they sing that they “thought that she would call my bluff but she said to my surprise ‘Big girls don’t cry,” which tells the story of a woman accepting a break up rather than crying, which surprises the man. In “I Will Survive,” Gloria Gaynor sings, “I used to cry, but now I hold my head up high.” In Gaynor’s song, she chooses to get over her sadness and become empowered. In “I Will Always Love You,” Whitney Houston sings that although she is leaving her lover, she wishes him “joy,” “happiness,” and “love.” In “Irreplaceable,” Beyoncé proudly tells the man she is breaking up with, “Baby, I won’t shed a tear for you.” In “Big Girls Don’t Cry” by Fergie, she tells her lover, “I’m gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket but I’ve got to get a move on with my life. It’s time to be a big girl now and big girls don’t cry.” Fergie is making the best decision for herself and acknowledges that she will miss the person, but she refuses to be sad. Finally, in “Rolling in the Deep,” Adele tells her lover, “Think of me in the depths of your despair. Make a home down there, as mine sure won’t be shared.” Adele wishes sadness on her former lover, but she herself is in control.
All of these examples are breakup songs that tell of a woman reacting to the end of her relationship not with tears but with acceptance and confidence. The final three examples by Beyoncé, Fergie, and Adele are 21st century hits, which is a reflection of the higher number of feminist anthems that are making it into the mainstream nowadays (though Gloria Gaynor’s proves that they have been around for decades, but were not as numerous). The success of this music is a reflection of the growing popularity of feminist/egalitarian values and the gradual breaking down of stereotypes that has been happening in recent years. These songs assert that a woman is perfectly capable of keeping her emotions in check and she surely is not more “emotional” than any man.
THE HISTORY OF EMOTIONS AND SENSES 